Inner Lights

On Longing

Waiting for a call,
I held my longing
at the edge of my lips.

I almost asked,
then swallowed the words again.

A few familiar greetings came through.
So much time has passed,
and yet the warmth in your voice
was just the same.

Only my tears
would not dare to fall.

You sounded relieved
that you still remembered me,
that my childhood name
could still find its way to your lips.

I thought by now
I had learned
how to pretend to be strong.

But the tears
still fell beyond the screen—
where you could not see them.

Listening to those songs,
every word, every line
somehow sounded like all of you.

At last, I saw other Jin-no
carrying our Putian dialect
far beyond home,
letting the whole world hear it.

And I thought,
I want to leave something behind for it too.

I want to do what I can
to protect the dream
I have chosen for myself.

You always worry and remind me:

“The world can be harsh.
Remember to protect yourself.
Eat well, drink well, sleep well.
Don’t make yourself suffer.”

And you always comfort me:

“This is what life is like.
Learn to face it with courage,
and don’t forget to notice
the beauty around you.”

Only then did I realise—
I have grown up.

Through the sweet,
the sour,
the bitter,
and the spice of it all,

as long as I am safe and well,
isn’t that
what you have always wished for me?

But lately,
I have begun to be afraid.

I am afraid.
I am afraid.
I am afraid that one day,

the me you remember
will slowly fade away.

Memories slip through my hands
like grains of sand.

I only want
to hold them a little tighter,
not letting the wind
scatter them away.

Time,
could you stay
a little longer?

Let the beauty of this moment
remain exactly where it is.

Let me turn this moment
into a story,

and quietly hope—

that when the story
reaches its ending,
someone will still be there
to see it.