1. Where does the gap between dreams and reality come from?

Why does the gap between our dreams and reality sometimes feel so huge? Is it because our dreams are simply too unrealistic? Or, after reality lets us down again and again, do we slowly start to wonder: “Do I even deserve to have my own dreams?”

Sometimes, reality can be brutal. When we try again and again, work hard again and again, but still fail to get the result we want, we may slowly start thinking: “Maybe nothing I do can really change anything.”

Over time, we may even stop trying. There is a psychological concept related to this called learned helplessness. When a person repeatedly experiences negative outcomes that feel beyond their control, they may gradually lose the motivation to keep trying or changing their situation.

I think many people have experienced a period like this. Me too, to be honest. And yes, the feeling really sucks.

So before we talk about how to close the gap between dreams and reality, I think we first need to look at the problem from two sides: objective factors and subjective factors.

Objective factors refer to the real difference between our current abilities, resources, conditions, and the dream we want to achieve. Sometimes, there are things in life that are simply beyond our current abilities, and effort alone may not be enough to make them happen.

At times, we may need to stop and ask ourselves: “Is my dream actually too far away from reality?” For example, imagine someone working in marketing who suddenly expects to become an astronaut within a very short time. Or someone who believes they must become a billionaire, otherwise their life is a failure.

There is nothing wrong with having big dreams. But when a dream has no realistic foundation or clear path, it can make the gap between our imagination and our current reality feel even wider.

Subjective factors are different. They are more about how strongly we want something and whether we have a real way to turn that desire into action. Two people may have the same dream. One person starts doing something immediately, learns from it, adjusts, and keeps going. The other keeps waiting for the right moment, waiting until they feel ready, waiting until everything feels perfect—and then they procrastinate.

This is what I want to focus on more in this article. Sometimes, what makes us suffer is not only reality itself. It is also the fact that we keep dreaming about a better life while doing very little to move towards it. We stay inside our desire for the ideal life, or we stay trapped in complaints about reality.

So the purpose of this article is not to tell you: “If you work hard enough, everything will definitely happen.” Life is not that simple.

What I really want to explore is this: Within the things we can control, how can we change our thinking and behaviour, take action, and slowly reduce the gap between our dreams and reality?

2. Understanding our psychological mechanisms

2.1 Omnipotent fantasy: when we expect the world to follow our wishes

First, we need to understand something about our own psychology.

There is a concept in psychoanalytic and psychodynamic thinking called infantile omnipotence, or omnipotent fantasy. In Chinese discussions, similar ideas are sometimes described as “omnipotent narcissism.”

The basic idea is that when we are babies, we can easily develop the feeling that our wishes somehow control the world. A baby feels hungry and cries, and someone brings milk. The baby feels uncomfortable and cries, and someone picks them up and comforts them.

At that stage of life, a baby does not yet clearly understand the difference between “what I want” and “what exists outside me.” So, in a very simple way, the baby may experience the world as if: “I want something, and then it happens. My mind controls the world. I can make things happen.”

As we grow older, experience more of the world, and develop self-awareness, this early sense of omnipotence is gradually corrected by reality. We begin to understand that the outside world does not always follow our wishes. Not everything we want will happen. Not every problem will be solved by someone else. And not every difficult situation will have an all-powerful person coming to save us.

Most of this early mindset gradually moves into the background of our minds and has much less influence on our conscious thinking. But sometimes, parts of it can remain.

Some people may still avoid setbacks, refuse to take responsibility for difficult choices, or secretly hope that someone stronger will eventually come and solve everything for them. This is also one of the things we need to break as we grow up.

Growing up means slowly accepting that nobody can live your life for you. Nobody can achieve your dream for you. People can support you, help you, and give you opportunities. But in the end, if this is your dream, you are the one who has to take action and bring it into reality.

A dream is not something you get simply because you thought about it for a long time.

[Image suggestion: a baby or an image representing personal growth]

2.2 The obsession with perfectionism

Another psychological habit we need to understand is our obsession with being perfect.

We want to become a perfect version of ourselves. We want to max out every talent, like building a “six-sided warrior” who is good at everything. We imagine having a good-looking face, strong abilities, great moral character, emotional stability, and enough money.

Somewhere inside us, we think: “If I can have all of these things, maybe I will finally become complete.”

Part of this obsession comes from our natural desire for superiority, security, resources, and recognition. Throughout human history, people with stronger abilities, better physical conditions, more resources, or higher social status often had more opportunities and a stronger sense of security.

So somewhere in our subconscious mind, we may develop a simple belief: The better my conditions are, the more resources and recognition I will receive. Slowly, becoming a “perfect person” turns into an ideal that we keep chasing.

Our childhood and family experiences can also strengthen this obsession with perfection. Maybe you got 99 marks on a test, but instead of hearing, “You did really well,” you heard, “Why did you lose that one mark?”

Maybe when you did something well, people said, “That is what you were supposed to do.” But when you failed, you heard, “You are useless.”

After enough experiences like this, we may slowly build an invisible rule inside ourselves: Only 100 is acceptable. Sixty means failure.

And if we cannot reach 100 in reality, then we may retreat into our imagination. At least in our imagination, we can always maintain the fantasy: “If I really started, I would do it perfectly.”

The perfect 100 inside our imagination has almost no cost. In your mind, you can finish everything in one second. No mistakes, no pauses, no awkward moments. Everything goes exactly the way you want.

And that smooth feeling keeps confirming something inside you: “I am capable. I am excellent. I should be able to do everything.”

But reality works very differently.

There is no perfectly complete human being in this world. Even nature is not made of perfect straight lines and perfect circles. The Earth is not a mathematically perfect sphere. The Moon has its phases. And we, as human beings, are special partly because of our imperfections.

Every unique person carries their own imperfections.

When we bring this back to our own dreams, we also have to accept another reality: compared with this huge and endless world, our abilities are limited. Our time is limited. Our energy is limited. And every action has a cost.

There is a time cost. There is a cost of making mistakes. There is an energy cost.

In reality, you have to write one word at a time. You have to work on one thing at a time. You will make mistakes. You will get stuck. Sometimes, you will create something that even you do not want to look at.

Every mistake can feel like another shot fired at your “perfect self”.

And sometimes, what really hurts is not: “I did this badly.” What hurts is: “Maybe I am not as amazing as I imagined myself to be.”

That is the painful moment when our idealised self starts to break.

So we need to be careful with perfectionism. Perfectionism may look like self-improvement, but when it becomes extreme, it can become a punishment, a form of control, and sometimes even a loss of our own sense of self.

If you live completely according to everyone else’s standards, want everyone to like you, want to become perfect, and expect yourself to do everything well from the very beginning, then life becomes pretty boring.

At that point, you are no longer really living as a human being. Because human beings make mistakes. Human beings fail. Human beings look awkward sometimes.

And that is normal.

2.3 Procrastination: protecting the version of yourself with “unlimited potential”

For many people, procrastination, avoidance, and fear of starting are actually forms of self-protection.

If I do not start, I can always tell myself: “I actually have a lot of potential. I just haven’t really tried yet.”

If I do nothing, I can stay as that person with “unlimited potential”. But once I really start, I may have to face my ordinary abilities, my weaknesses, and my awkwardness. And maybe the fantasy will disappear.

But this is also one of the biggest forms of self-deception. The longer we procrastinate, the larger the gap between our real life and our real goals becomes. And the more painful that gap feels inside us.

The truth is: Highlight moments are not the condition for action. They are usually the result of action.

Nobody can keep performing at their best all the time. Behind everything that looks smooth and effortless, there are usually countless hidden mistakes, awkward moments, and failed attempts.

A writer may spend most of the time writing things they do not like, then pick a few useful sentences from all of it. A designer may keep changing drafts and throw away ten versions before finally getting one they like. The smooth performance you see on stage may come from thousands of wrong notes, forgotten movements, and repeated practice behind the scenes.

We only see the final 100, so we assume that person was always that good. But we do not see all the 60s that came before it.

Sometimes, that perfect-looking 100 was built from 99 awkward attempts at 60.

What we really need to do is move from dreams into reality. And in a way, that process means moving from being a “god” back to being a human being.

You no longer need the fantasy that you should be capable of everything in order to prove your value. You begin to accept: I can be awkward. I can make mistakes. I can move slowly.

And somehow, it is exactly through this messy and imperfect process that you finally touch the real world. You finally experience a kind of achievement that feels grounded, like your feet are finally standing on the ground.

3. Breakthrough one: break the “state illusion”

The psychological patterns we talked about earlier—omnipotent fantasy, perfectionism, and procrastination—often lead to one common problem.

We first create a beautiful and perfect picture in our mind. Then we tell ourselves: “I will start when I am in the right state.”

I call this the state illusion.

Many people believe that they need to feel good before they can do good work. So they keep adjusting themselves, waiting for motivation, waiting for energy, waiting for inspiration, and waiting for the perfect moment.

This idea is very easy to believe because it sounds reasonable. But our ability to do something well does not simply come from suddenly being in a good state.

More often, it comes from building a deep relationship with what we do. And the only way to build that relationship is through action.

A deep relationship comes from long-term and continuous investment. When you keep giving your time and energy to something, your relationship with it becomes deeper. You slowly understand it. You become familiar with it. You learn how it works. And eventually, you truly “meet” it.

Your ability is often just a by-product of that long relationship.

For example, many people want to experience a highlight moment in something they love, like getting five kills in a game and becoming the MVP.

But honestly, maybe 99% of our lives are ordinary, repetitive, and sometimes boring. The exciting 1% comes from that ordinary 99%.

It is those boring, repetitive, everyday practices that create the highlight moments.

You can make an amazing move in a game because you have already played hundreds of rounds. Your hands know what to do. You know the timing. You know the character. You know the rhythm.

When enough experience has been built, the things you love can begin to shine.

But without long-term practice and accumulation, that light may only appear for a moment. It will not become something deep and stable.

The problem is that many people reverse this logic. They think: “I need to feel amazing first. I need to adjust myself first. Then I can create a great result.”

But the key is not to wait for a good state.

The key is to keep showing up.

Small and ordinary efforts slowly build the possibility of success.

So, to break the state illusion, there are a few things we need to understand. Ability often comes from building a deep relationship with something. A deep relationship requires continuous investment. Continuous investment does not depend on feeling perfect every day; it depends on whether you are willing to keep showing up. And most importantly, do not confuse “How do I feel right now?” with “Am I capable of taking action right now?”

Sometimes, the most direct answer is simply:

Stop thinking for a moment. Start doing.

4. Breakthrough two: be careful of the trap of “mental highs”

Another trap is that we can become addicted to hearing good ideas without actually changing anything.

You may really enjoy listening to life advice, motivational videos, or someone explaining a deep idea that suddenly makes everything feel clearer. Sometimes, that kind of comfort is useful.

Maybe you are going through a difficult period in life. You cannot solve a problem. Pain and negative emotions suddenly come up. Then you watch a video from a creator, and what they say makes you feel better.

There is nothing wrong with that.

The problem begins when emotional comfort becomes a replacement for action.

You may listen to a professor explain a powerful idea in a video and think: “Wow. That makes so much sense.” Then you start believing that because you understand the idea, you are already close to changing your life.

But understanding is not the same as doing.

Thinking cannot replace action. A good result rarely comes from thinking alone. And many real truths only become clear through practice, feedback, mistakes, adjustment, and then more practice.

Practice. Practice again. And keep practising.

That is probably why so many people say: “I have heard so much advice, but I still don’t know how to live my life.”

The problem may not be that the advice is wrong. The problem is that the advice never entered real life.

A simple example is our mental and physical well-being. Our psychological state can be affected by many things: sleep, exercise, diet, physical health, stress, relationships, and our daily routine.

Sometimes we already know what we should do: sleep earlier, eat properly, exercise, go outside, and take better care of our body.

But instead of actually doing these things, we may keep listening to more advice and hoping that one more sentence will suddenly solve everything.

So we keep learning, but our life does not really change.

Because everything stays at the level of: “I know.”

And never becomes: “I did.”

Advice becomes valuable only when it enters your life.

5. Turn it into reality: start with small things

After understanding all these problems, everything eventually comes back to one very small action:

Start.

We often believe change should follow this order:

Understand → Act

We think we need to understand everything first. Understand ourselves. Understand the problem. Learn enough knowledge. Then we can finally act.

But in reality, many changes actually happen like this:

Act → Understand → Act again

You do something first. Action gives you feedback. Feedback helps you understand yourself and the situation better. Then you adjust and act again.

That is why small actions matter so much.

Many people look down on small things. They think meaningful actions need to be big. But small things are the foundation of big things.

Rome was not built in a day. Every complicated project is built from many ordinary and even boring steps.

When you break down something that looks impossible, you often realise that it is just a collection of small tasks.

The same thing happens in life.

Maybe you have an ideal version of yourself in your mind. Maybe you have dreams and wishes about who you want to become. But that person will not appear because of one huge idea.

That person is built through details.

Cleaning your room and keeping your surroundings tidy helps you become a cleaner and more organised person. Learning to cook makes you more independent and teaches you to take care of your own life. Running and exercising help you become more disciplined and more responsible for your health.

Reading and writing consistently help you become someone who values self-improvement and deeper thinking. Getting some sunlight, going outside, noticing kindness and beauty in life, and spending more time around positive people and things can slowly help you become more optimistic and full of energy.

Eventually, you realise that the best way to become your ideal self is not to rush.

And it is not to daydream.

It is to begin now.

Start with the small things in front of you. Start with the details.

If we want to close the gap between dreams and reality, we cannot ignore action. Only through repeated action can we slowly break the state illusion and move beyond the trap of mental self-indulgence.

6. Learn to take responsibility

There is another reason why many people are afraid to act.

They are afraid of what happens afterwards.

What if I fail? What if people laugh at me? What if my expectations fall apart?

Deep down, we know that the moment we really start, failure becomes possible. And once failure becomes possible, we also have to face disappointment. We have to face responsibility.

Sometimes, we only want to take responsibility for the beautiful final result. We want the success, the applause, and the achievement.

But we do not always want to take responsibility for the cost behind it.

The truth is, if this dream is something you truly chose for yourself, then you also need to learn to take responsibility for that choice.

That does not mean you are not allowed to be afraid. You can truly love something and still be afraid of failure. You can care deeply about a dream and still fear rejection. You can want something badly and still care about what people think.

That is normal.

The more important question is:

Even if I know this may fail, and even if I know there is a cost, am I still willing to do it and take responsibility for my choice?

And the most direct way to find out is simple:

Do it.

Once you start taking action, reality begins giving you feedback. Some feedback will be good. Some will be bad. Sometimes you will succeed. Sometimes you will fail.

But no matter what kind of feedback you receive, you can keep it as part of your personal record.

Observe it. Reflect on it. Digest it. Then act again.

Maybe real growth has always looked like this:

Action → Feedback → Reflection → Action again

We can never predict every result before we start. We can never wait until we are 100% ready.

Sometimes, the missing bridge between dreams and reality is not another bigger dream.

It is simply the step you are willing to take right now.

Action will not solve every problem immediately.

But at least—

action gives reality a chance to change.